Sneaky Cuts
by lemonChocolate
Summary: "One tiny cut, that's all I need. Just enough to calm me down. I won't go any further. " Bella thinks Edward will never discover her hidden control mechanism. Warning: Bella Cuts.
1. Chapter 1

**This story starts present tense, and the rest of the story will be the times Bella cuts leading up to present tense. Thank You!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, not a single thing. Well, maybe this story, but nothing else!**

Edward was gone on a hunting trip. Emmett had dragged Edward further away from Forks to hunt, claiming that the local forest provided no true challenge.

That meant she had at least 4 days. Bella did the mental math in her head; she was a fast healer, so, if the cut scabbed over tomorrow, then, with enough Vaseline, there would be nothing but a small scar but the time Edward came back. There would be no tell-tale scent of blood, assuring that she wouldn't be caught.

"Yes." She said aloud as she positioned the small sharp blade against her wrist, directly over the bite James had left behind after their confrontation (ENTER MONTHD AGO HERE). One tiny cut, that's all I need. Just knew just enough to calm me down. I won't go any further.

She pushed aside the voice in her head reminding her that those were her exact words the first time she cut. She still remembered what a disaster her first time was, but she was smarter now, she had learned to hide herself.

The first time Bella had cut to keep her sanity, she had chosen to slice her hip. Bell had thought Edward wouldn't notice the small amount of blood that fell from the wound. The cut had been made while she was showering, using her razor. What she hadn't planned though, was the fact that Edward was already waiting for her in her room. And she had severely underestimated her vampires sense of smell.

*FLASHBACK*

Edward had only been sitting on the edge of Bella's bed for a few minutes, when he was suddenly hit with the urgent urge to feed. He was an experienced vampire and had fed only days ago, and was able to quickly push down the urge. Once he had his less-human side under control, he realized what had caused his small fit: Bella's blood. It had to be Bella's blood. No one else's could possibly have aroused him to such an extent so quickly. But she was showing, and he could hear the steady thump-thumping of her heart. If she was in trouble surely her heartbeat would have sped up, he tried not to jump to conclusions.

Edward stood up, to do what he didn't know, and began to walk towards the door until he heard the angelic sound that was his Bella's laughter. He hesitated, then decided it was better to wait till after Bella was done with her shower to question her, rather than risk waking Charlie. But when she walked in, her hair dripping from her shower, he was thoroughly distracted. It wasn't until Bella was neatly wedged and nearly asleep in Edward's arms, that Edward even remembered to ask Bella about the blood.

"Bella, darling? Are you asleep?"

Bella let out a sigh and murmured, "Not anymore." Edward chuckled at her crankiness, knowing that she hadn't in fact, been asleep, judging by her heartbeat.

"Did something happen to you while you we're showering?" He thought he had asked the question in a relatively smooth and calm voice, but he must have been wrong, because Bella's heartbeat instantly sped up. "Are you hurt?! What happened?" He quickly and gently grabbed her arm, checking the arms she had wrapped around him for any visible injuries.

Bella pulled her arm away and tried to perfect her sleepy façade. "Oh, it's no big. I just nicked my leg a little with the razor. I'm perfectly fine." She even choked out a nervous giggle to make it seem as though she was embarrassed.

Edward released her arms but said nothing. He could easily tell she was lying, if her heartbeat was anything to go by. It sped up and sputtered like a humming bird's wing. Not that he needed to hear her heart, she was an awful liar. The vampire focused all his attention towards the sound as Bella slowly grew less anxious and more sleepy. When Edward was certain she was toeing the verge of unconsciousness, he asked her one more question. "Love, how did you cut yourself with a razor?"

A slurred response came from the pillow Edward's love lay on. "Ugh...come on Edward...I'm at least skilled enough not to cut myself shaving, sheesh, give me...some credit..." And promptly fell asleep on a bewildered Edward.


	2. Chapter 2

**Unbelievable! This is my very first posted story, and I already have Follows, Reviews, AND FAVORITES! Thank you, just thank you. I was so inspired by the fact that people actually read this that I worked as hard as I could trying to update. (Even though it took a few days) Please review and tell me your thoughts, just a sentence or even a word is appreciated! Also, I have revised the last chapter. It was not saying what I wanted it to, so I recommend re-reading it. **

**Disclaimer: What version of "I don't own" would you like to hear today?**

—

_Chapter 2 _

"-It gets better. We forget that, that it gets better, but it's still the truth. We trip, we stumble, we tumble, and we fall, but it will always get better. We crack, we break, we may even shatter, but sometime, maybe today, maybe a week from now, life will get better." Bella finished the speech she had written for English last period. There was no applause or cheering, and though Bella hadn't necessarily expected it, she was still disappointed. It seemed like she never did anything worth praise.

A small voice in her head told her that Edward might have clapped, had he been there. But the reasonable side of her head told her that there was no way someone as perfect as Edward would clap for an essay so horrendous.

After a long, terribly-tense, stretch of silence, the teacher clapped her hands together a few times awkwardly, then sent Bella back to her seat with a few words.

"Good job Isabella! Very...inspirational. Now then, who's next?"

Bella attempted to cover her (very ladylike) snort_. Inspirational?_ Yeah right, maybe for a fourth grader, but everyone older knew that her essay was dead wrong.

Life doesn't just 'get better'. It gets worse and it gets confusing and it gets hard. _Bella's _life certainly only seemed to be getting worse.

Like this morning, when she had woken up to an empty bed and no Edward in sight. She had gone through what had happened the night before, but she couldn't remember anything that would have made Edward want to leave before she had woken up. He didn't know about the cut, Bella was fairly sure she had kept it well hidden.

She couldn't remember having to use any of her excuses last night either, despite the long list of them she had created as a precaution.

She'd even checked for her vampire outside, through her closed window, despite the meaning behind it being shut. Edward always closed the window on his way out; something about how "the sun would wake her." Which was utterly ridiculous, she lived in _Forks_ for Pete's sake! The sun could only wake her if it managed to through the absurdly thick blanket of dark clouds that always seem to hover above Forks.

What confused her even more was when _Alice_ had picked her up, instead of her usual vampire. Alice had offered no explanation, simply smiling and telling Bella to get in. Once she was safely inside, Alice told her that "Eddie" was helping Jasper with something today, in a totally non-vague way of course, and that he wouldn't be at school. Bella thought it was weird that Edward hadn't told her anything about it, and had tried to ask a chatty Alice, but her almost-sister waved every question with expertise ease and had managed to distract Bella with talk of the next places she would drag Bella to shop all the way to the school.

Bella was so emerged in going through her memories of that morning that she nearly jumped out of her skin when the bell rang to signal the end of the school day. She grabbed her bag and headed over to the English teacher standing by the door, handing out graded papers to the students as they filed out.

"Now class, do not forget about the essay due tomorrow!"

Crap. Bella groaned along with the rest of her classmates, who had most likely also forgot about writing the essay. She could usually write the essays with ease, but it was the topic that always stumped her. She had to know what to write about before actually writing. Maybe inspiration would pop up and she could get it written quickly.

Although, with Edward away for the day, the miracle was unlikely. She never felt anything but alone.

At least English had been her last class. Now she could go home and hopefully see Edward in a few hours. She figured he was probably done helping out Jasper with whatever it was he needed help with.

Alice was waiting by Bella's locker and nearly dragged Bella to her flashy car. Alice was almost too bubbly, like she was trying to hide something.

Alice was an amazing actor, just like the rest of the Cullen family (Bella supposed centuries of practice could do that), but Bella had known her so long and had such a tight bond with Alice, that she could see when Alice wasn't herself.

Bella wanted to confront her about it, but found she didn't even have the energy to squeeze in a word edgewise, let alone _question_ Alice. Not that Bella minded not having to fill the air with conversation, she much preferred listening to speaking.

Gossip and loud music filled the air until Alice raced up the Swan driveway.

Alice took a deep breath and quickly spewed out, "Oh! And Edward said he wouldn't be able to come over tonight, but you'll be okay, I checked!" Before kicking Bella out and throwing the car into reverse so fast Bella didn't even have the chance to attempt to comprehend what Alice had just told her.

Bella watched as Alice's car backed up out of the driveway at 30mph and heard the _clunk_ of the passenger door slam shut, before watching her drive away and letting the all-too-familiar feeling of disappointment wash through her.

She walked numbly to the front door, dumped her backpack there, and fled to the bathroom. She wasn't going to do it for the need to calm down this time; she just plain needed to _feel_. Once in the small bathroom, she pulled out her razor and smiled.

Bella had found the inspiration to write her next forcefully optimistic essay.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: What version of "I don't own" would you like to hear today?**

—

_Chapter 2 _

Bella wanted to run. She wanted to run, and run, and run. She wanted to never look back; never having to see the pain and suffering she's caused. But she can't. For some reason, every time she tries to end it, to be done with her horrible life, Edward is there. Not really there, he has never seen what she does, but he's there in her mind. Her subconscious conjures him up in the front of her eyes, right before things go too far, and he stops her. Pathetic vampire stops her from killing herself. What a strange defiance of Mother Nature.

Bella often wonders if he's noticed anything odd about her, besides the usual stupid things that must make him hate her, if only just a little. Things like her constant clumsiness, her insatiable need to be touched, if only by the back of his arm, and the sheer idiocy involved with all humans. She wonders if he took time off of his normal human charade and didn't come to school because of her.

Edward tells her that she is his whole world. But if she was, wouldn't he have noticed what she was doing? Wouldn't it be _obvious _what she's been doing? Bella hopes he has realized what goes on in Bella's life, but at the same time, she doesn't. She doesn't want to see the disapproving look he often gives her, with the stern tilted eyebrows and the lip twisted up in disgust.

But maybe she deserves that. Perhaps that's the reason he was gone today, to teach her a lesson. He must have thought that if no one else would discipline her, he would have to. He had even come up with the perfect punishment: to stay away, and force her live through it alone.

It hurt Bella, in the most pathetic way possible, to be away from Edward. He was her rock, her sanity, her everything. Lately, she felt the only reason she woke up was to see him. Without him she was sure to crumble, she...she...wanted to die without him, and he wouldn't let her. Bella thought herself weak, but even if he no longer wanted her, she couldn't bring herself to go against Edward's wishes to stay alive. She would do whatever he wanted, when he wanted, how he wanted it. She refused to even consider going against him, he was, after all, responsible for the few months that made up the best part in her sad, pathetic, life.

There were times though, times like right now, when she was so tempted to press the dull razor that was posed just right of James' scar a little bit harder, to just end it all and not have to worry about disappointing anyone. If that guilt-trip imaginary Edward would just disappear, she would have no trouble forgetting the reasons for living any longer. Instead, she was forced to listen to him prattle on about how she would fail Charlie by leaving him here all by himself. Or how distraught Alice would become to find out her best friend/Barbie doll had abandoned her. Or even how she had yet to prove her worth to the Cullen family. Bella was certain Rose thought her someone to give up easily, Carlisle and Esme marked her as simply using their son, Emmett dismissed her as mild entertainment, and Jasper rejected her from his family, for fear they would have to make a choice. If she died now, she would never get the opportunity to change their value on her.

Tantalizingly slowly, she drug the razor down her wrist, pressing only hard enough to cut a few layers of pale skin, before concealing the bloodied razor back in her empty shampoo bottle and watching Fake Edward fade away, back into her head.

**I really had no inspiration to continue this, but your reviews made me (THANK YOU!) if anyone is willing to supply prompts, please e-mail or review! I know this is a short, badly written and rather rushed chapter for making you wait so long, but like I said, if there's something you desperately want to see, please tell me!**


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